We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
