I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
