i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
