No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She needs sedatives and a leash
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
