I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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