My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
