I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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