Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
