I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize