I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I still have a little drunk in my system
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
