Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
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