why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
