i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
