i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
