yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize