no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
