Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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