dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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