did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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