Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
