u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
