im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
