it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
