I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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