i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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