you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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