Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
