somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
wat bout pragnant strippers??
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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