i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
