so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
it's like heaven, but drunker
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
