Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
