...so i touched it.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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