Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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