I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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