it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
