If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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