sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
