ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize