I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
