there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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