I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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