yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The best revenge is premature balding
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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