Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
