There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
4 words: hood of his car
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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