Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize