It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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