She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
