I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
