May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Say something about gay babies.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
