i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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