Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
there was a trapeze. enough said
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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