There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
