Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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