I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's blow job season.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
