I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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