drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
