Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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