I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
