I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
