Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
