capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
