Three words: puerto rican gang bang
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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