for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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