everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
