The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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