Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
