Why are handjobs necessary in class?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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