I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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