Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
