now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize