I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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