you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
