just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
