All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize