If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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