i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
