9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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