Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my being single is dangerous.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize