how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
