How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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