Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
