Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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