she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
