Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
