I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
