dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
