your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Vodka?
Forever.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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