i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Is Oprah even human
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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