when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
