Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
