the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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