Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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