they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
it glows. i had to have it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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