Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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