i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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