Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
