Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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