I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
