Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize