I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
