I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just gargled with NyQuil
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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