maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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