Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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