I heard we made out
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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