also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
