Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
