real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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