Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I could fuck to npr.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You ruined the universe
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