i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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