told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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