Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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