"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
