I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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