someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
