before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
